Never Have I Ever…

It’s been just about a year since I realized that my marriage was truly over. It’s been just about a year since I heard the words, “I love her…I guess we get a divorce.” And during that time there have been many more realizations – revelations – that have come:

Never have I ever thought I would be starting over before I turned 35.
Never have I ever thought my husband would tell me he loved someone else.
Never have I ever thought my husband would be living with his girlfriend in our house (before our divorce is finalized).
Never have I ever thought I would lose people who were like my family.
Never have I ever thought I’d feel heartbreak the way I have.
Never have I ever thought I’d make it through the pain.
Never have I ever realized what a range of emotions I could experience in my lifetime, let alone in just a day.

Never have I ever realized the strength I have within myself until I went through this.

Never have I ever realized how truly amazing my friends and family are – helping me at every turn, lifting me when I needed it…and, boy, have I needed it.
Never have I ever realized how much you need a friend’s couch and that friend who hands you tissue when you can’t do anything more than cry.
Never have I ever realized the power of a good cup of coffee or glass of wine with those same friends.
Never have I ever realized how much my friends are also my family.

Never have I ever realized how dark things can get.

Never have I ever realized how much the light at the end can bring you back.

Never have I ever realized how much my students can be a healing balm when everything else seems to be out of control.
Never have I ever realized how the laugh of a baby can calm the quaking in my heart.
Never have I ever known how a hug could convey so many different messages.

Never have I ever thought I’d be starting over, but also faced with so many new opportunities.

Never have I ever realized what it means to persevere.
Never have I ever realized what it means to find my own strength.
Never have I ever realized what is most important to me in life.
Never have I ever realized what it means to take advantage of new chances… but I’m about to.