This past weekend I ran another 5K. However this time, the “safe” route of the road race wasn’t as safe as we all expected it to be. This time, a car was allowed to pass through the barrier near our turn around point and that driver ended up hitting another runner. It has certainly been the talk of the community, and it is something that I don’t think I will forget any time soon.
This race was one that I missed a year ago because I had gone to my parents’ house for the weekend because my life was in the middle of an upheaval. A year ago, the “safety” of my own home was gone because I was in a constant turmoil over finding out that not only was my husband having an affair, but that he also was no longer wanting to stay in the marriage.
This year, the safety of the race was violated when I witnessed the unthinkable. As I have said to others, you hear about runners being clipped when they’re out for training runs and a car doesn’t move over enough – but never had I thought that it would happen at a race. I continue to keep that woman in my thoughts and prayers.
But as it always happens – my mind began to wonder what I would do if that had been me. I started to wonder who would be called? The woman at the race was calling out for her husband. It hit me that I would never be able to call for you again. It hit me that despite the fact that I moved here for you, that I created my life here with you, you are not the one I am living for. It hit me again that this path I am on is not one that we are creating together, but it is for me and me alone.
For so long you were my In Case of Emergency. For so long you were the one that I would want to come home to so I could process seeing something like this with you. For so long you were the one that I could count on. For so long yours was the name that I would write down on those race entry forms, in case of emergency. For so long you were my safety net. For so long you were the rock that I would want to cling to in a storm. For so long you were the center of my life.
This is just another reminder of how much has changed. This is just another reminder of how you are no longer that person that I will turn to. This is just another reminder that this these memories are no longer shared ones.
I know that things were not always perfect, but no relationship ever is. I know that we had our disagreements, but who doesn’t? However, I never thought that you would never again be my In Case of Emergency.