Any time someone experiences a tragedy or a major change in life, it significantly affects the way they view the world and their place in it. A change that is so significant brings about all kinds of feelings – a wide range of feelings and emotions that you could never in your life have imagined that you would experience. Going through a divorce, a serious break-up, the loss of a loved one – all of these come as a shock even if there were signs of the impending change. Our brains and our hearts have a difficult time processing the change in our circumstances. The loss, whether it was anticipated or not, leaves a hole in the life that has been created.
The loss of that person in your life has now forever changed your life. But guess what, you are still here….I’m still here. And now, it is up to you to rediscover yourself and who you are without that person in your life. Rediscovering yourself is not something that’s going to happen in a day or in a month – it might not even happen in a year.
I will be honest with you: it’s going to take time to process the loss of that relationship. It’s going to take time to understand what happened. It’s going to take learning how to embrace this change while also learning how to take another new step each and every day. It’s going to take pushing through those mornings when you want the world to disappear and to pull the covers up over your head. It’s going to take pushing through the memories of what once was. It’s going to take learning that it’s okay to fall to pieces on your kitchen floor, but that you can’t stay there.
Some days your victories will come from making through the day at work without falling apart. Some days your victories will come from hearing a song that reminds you of that person, and you’re able to sing along. But soon, you will find yourself trying something new or even rediscovering a joy you once thought was gone. Your victories will start off as small things, and that’s good. Embrace those moments and hold on to that feeling of accomplishment and feeling whole. Don’t be afraid to look back, but don’t forget to move forward either.
Don’t worry when you feel the sadness creep back in, don’t worry when you feel the hole in your heart. Those are simply reminders of how far you have come, they are reminders of the strength you have within you – especially when you forget how special you truly are. Create a jar of joy to remind you of the happiness that still exists. Turn on music that speaks to your soul. Read a passage that speaks to your heart.
Know that how you process this life changing event is unique to you and you alone, but also know that you are not alone. Remember that you have people who care about you and only want you to be happy. When you feel like everything is slipping away, don’t let yourself slip away with it. Be brave, especially in the moments when it feels the most difficult.
There will be times when you start to feel lost again, but know that you will find your way home again. As the tears roll down your cheeks, know that one day you will smile again. Don’t be afraid to speak your mind, but know that sometimes other people won’t understand – but they want to. There can be strength in the tears that fall – there is strength in having the courage to face your feelings; there is strength in acknowledging the truth within your heart. When you feel weak, know that one day you will feel strong again. Time moves on, and eventually you will be able to as well.
All you need is to believe in yourself and trust that you will end up where you are meant to. It’s going to take time, but hunny, you’ve got a whole lot of it in front of you.
Most importantly, you must remember that you shouldn’t be afraid to show up each and every day and be 100% yourself (no matter what that might look like that day). I’m here with you, and I’m listening…