Find Your Tribe

No matter what point you find yourself in life, it is important to surround yourself with people who are there for you no matter what. They may not always realize that they are supporting you, but friends and family are the most important people to have in your life.

As I have gone through everything this past year and a half, I never realized how many great people I had. I always knew that I loved them, but my eyes have been opened to how much I need them.

Finding the people that form your tribe is not something that happens by accident (although sometimes it feels that way). There is a connection that froms, there are bonds that grow through shared experiences. In both the big and the small moments, they are your people. They are the ones that you rely on to water your flowers if you are out of town, they are the ones that you call when you are falling to pieces, they are the ones you celebrate birthdays with, they are the ones that you drop everything for in order to care for their children, they are the ones that you share a glass of wine with simply to share time with them, they are the ones you want to laugh with.

As adults, we don’t always remember to make time for our friends: we put our spouses first, children become the focus, we have jobs, people move – but despite all of these things, the friendships that form, the relationships we have are what is most important. Without these people in our lives, we would truly be lost. I never realized that more than I have the past 20 months or so. Divorce can feel lonely, but through these relationships I have realized that I am not alone or forgotten. Your tribe is formed of the people who accept you as you are – far from perfect, maybe a little lost, but still theirs.

I truly know how the smallest of gestures can have the biggest of impacts. I have felt the love sent with an unexpected gift – something as simple as a book and a box of biscotti. The simple messages of “I’m thinking of you” remind you that even when you feel alone, you never really are.

For a number of years I had neglected my friendships. While I am ashamed of that, I am not ashamed to admit it. I’m not ashamed to say it because I know that I am not alone in that happening and I believe that if I can admit it, then I can also keep it from happening again. My friends (both old, new, and my family who are also my friends) are the ones who will always be there for me when I need them. I have come to realize who I can rely on the most and I hope that they know I can also be relied on when they need me.

Recently I read the book Text Me When You Get Home by Kayleen Schaefer and her examination of female friendships echoed as though she were seeing the women in my life. In her book she says, “My friends are my soulmates, and I love them all. I want the best for them in their lives.” These words ring true for all of the women and friends in my life. I want them all to know that I support them, I love them, and I truly want the best for each and every one of them.

I have found my tribe – they are people all across the country and I know that they are the most important people I have. Even if they don’t always hear the words from me, I hope they know and I hope they know they are always close to my heart.

My life isn’t organized like I thought it would be, but I can always tell my friends about my uncertainties and keep repeating them, and they will hear me every time. No matter how scared or vulnerable or far away from myself I might feel, they remind me that it’s going to be okay. They make me feel safe.

Text Me When You Get Home by Kayleen Schaefer