What are the things that come from our heart? What are the objects of our affection, our time, our work, our life, our love? How is it that we express affection and caring to those that are important in our lives?
Often we express our feelings in different ways – ways that don’t always make sense to the people in our lives – but these are things that we feel reflect our heart.
Things such as bringing someone lunch on your day off, surprising someone with a coffee or their favorite candy, caring about their physical well-being (even as simple as needing a bandaid), wanting to spend time with that person, wanting to comfort them in their difficult moments, wanting to plan a trip to spend time together…those things that show you are thinking of them and you care.
When we take next steps in our lives, they are the person that you want to share them with. You want to talk to them about the houses you’re interested in buying. You want to share with them the frustrations from work. You want to experience something new with them – so even if you fail together at that new thing, you can laugh together.
However, the way love looks to one person is not the way it looks to someone else. (Can anyone say Love Languages?) And this is where we run into trouble…
Things like keeping someone’s favorite soda in the fridge might not seem like a significant gesture to someone else even though to you it means that they were on your mind even during something as mundane as grocery shopping.
Things like wanting to share a meal means that you want to spend more time with that person, even if to them it just seems like fulfilling a simple need.
Things like not constantly texting because you want to show that you trust them may seem like disinterest to someone else.
Things like sharing favorite foods may seem like regular conversation when really you want to learn everything about them.
But again, trying to show you care doesn’t always seem so obvious. Sometimes it comes down to our own insecurities.
How do our own insecurities cause us to look at others and not trust what is before us? We all act badly when we’re scared…at least I do.
I become too scared to trust myself even. I often don’t trust what the person tells me, and instead I am looking for those things that prove my self-doubts. Sometimes it’s not even about looking for those things, but the other person accidentally triggering past hurts like not showing up when they say they will can bring back the ghosts of what happened in a past relationship. Something like being unwilling to have a conversation about a situation can cause a spiral of emotions and panic. Sometimes it’s that you find yourself thinking about where the future will take you, but you are too scared to say it.
Sometimes it’s about being afraid to be vulnerable, so we open up slowly. We hope that these small things are enough to allow the person to see that they do matter.
It should be our goal to be completely comfortable with who we are, to whom we belong, and what we are meant to do. At times that means that we want to find those things with the people in our lives as they grow with us.