Yes, I made the conscious decision to write these words. Yes, I made the conscious decision to create this blog. And yes, I make the conscious decision to share my words and my thoughts with the Interweb. But that doesn’t make the blue Publish button at the top of my screen any less scary.
This might not make sense to someone who doesn’t know me, but actually sharing these words and thoughts is scary to me. I’m not usually one to simply volunteer anything about my life unless I am in complete and absolute control of it. I’ve never been great at communicating face-to-face, I worry about if I’m saying the right thing or not. But writing has always been something that I’ve felt I could do. Writing allows me the time I need to formulate my words; writing allows me the chance to think about what I want to say without it coming out wrong (usually). So making myself vulnerable is still something that gives me butterflies in my stomach.
I know that these are my thoughts, these are my words and yet I still worry about what others will think of them. Putting my writing out into the world is yet another step of bravery – just brave in a way I normally don’t think about. However, I know at the same time that there are things that I want to share with people and this is that first step. I’m going to continue to share what I believe; I’m going to continue to share my thoughts. Even if others don’t agree with my perspective, it’s important that we keep sharing. Every one of us has our own thoughts, our own perspectives, our own experiences. It is through each one of these that we can learn from others; it is through each one that we can learn that we’re not alone in our experiences.
So even though the Publish button is scary, I’m still going to click it every time.