Back in January I wrote about having a new perspective as I create a new life and try to learn what this new life means for me. “We” have officially hit the one year mark since the words were spoken that my husband loved someone else and he thought we should get a divorce. “We” have officially hit the one year mark when everything began to splinter and fall apart. “We” have officially hit the one year mark from when my new life was beginning whether I wanted it to or not.
I wrote “2019: A New Perspective” as I looked forward to a new calendar year and the literal turning of a page. As we are now almost two full months into this new year, it’s hard not to notice the differences and similarities that life has with even a year in between.
A year ago, I felt like I was drowning. A year ago, I didn’t know how I was going to face the next day. A year ago, I didn’t know how to handle the uncertainty that filled my life. A year ago, I was afraid to acknowledge my new reality. But so much has changed in that one year.
Today I no longer feel like I’m drowning….sometimes I’m still a little lost, but I think we all feel that way from time to time. Today I know that the next day in front of me is full of opportunity…even if I don’t always know what they are. Today I know that no matter what uncertainties face me, I will be able to handle them…I might not know how to as soon as they hit, but I know I have the people and the support and the knowledge to get me through. Today I acknowledge my new life…while I’m still not always comfortable with how things are, I will never be okay with my husband living with another woman (the divorce still isn’t final), I know that I am meant for so much happiness in my future. I know today that my life is what I make of it. I know today that I will never allow darkness to take over my life – I want to feel joy and contentment and security and adventure, and I will strive to always have those things in my life. I know that I am stronger than I ever realized, that I am brave enough to face uncertainty, that I am resilient enough to still believe in love in its purest form. I know that this journey is mine, but that I don’t walk it alone.
It is still difficult as milestones hit me, as I participate in things that we once did as a couple. But as I do those things, I am also learning that those moments aren’t made simply because we were a “we,” but because making memories is the best part of what happens when I am with those that I love. I love trying new foods and exploring a different city. I love seeing a friend accomplish goals – like running their first ever 5K or training for a half marathon. I love celebrating birthdays with my friends who are also my family. I love celebrating the people who make my life brighter and better.
Even though there are still moments when things are tough, even though there are still moments I struggle with this new reality, I also know that I am seeing things through new eyes. I am able to take a breath, reach out to those who know me best, and keep perspective on this new life.