Living with Ghosts

I wish I this were the start to a horror novel that I had created…but, alas, it is not.

Just about a year ago, I lost my dog Pugsley. I wrote about having to say goodbye in my post “Goodbye is the Hardest Word to Say.” Lately it has been weighing on my heart and on my mind.

Pugsley was my constant for 10 years. He was my companion, my best buddy, my source of happiness and laughter when things felt dark. He was as excited to go to Starbucks as I was. He knew the benefits of sleeping in late on weekends and of cuddling on the couch with a warm blanket. He was my travel partner. He saw me at my best, and he most definitely saw me at my worst. Pugsley was what saved me during my divorce.

One of the inevitability’s of life is that we say goodbye to people and those we love in our lives. We say goodbye at the end of someone’s life. We say goodbye to a life we knew when we go through a divorce. We say goodbye when people move. We say goodbye to old hurts.

I have had to say goodbye a lot over the past three years.
But even when we say goodbye, we are left with the ghosts of our memories. The good and the bad.

I have learned that the ghosts of our memories remind us to focus on the good in our lives. I have learned that the ghosts of our memories help us to remember the lessons that we have been taught. These ghosts remind us of how far we have come. They remind us that we are not the same person that we once were…and that’s okay.

Living with the ghosts of my life, I realize that it’s okay to still mourn the things that I have lost. Living with the ghosts of my past, I am able to remember what is most important in my life now. These ghosts can creep up, and sometimes they make me sad. But I remember that it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to allow myself to feel the pain and sadness. They are all a part of my story and they have made me who I am on this journey.

The same ghosts can pop up and remind us of good times too. Good times that shouldn’t pale in comparison to what we have lost. Those memories of fun and laughter, of moments of simple comfort should inspire us to create more. To reach out and hold on to the moments that allow us to feel the lightness that comes from them.

In a few days, I will be welcoming a new puppy into my life. Right now it’s hard not to make comparisons between what she will be like and the life I had with Pugsley.

I know that I am not replacing Pugsley with Luna. Instead, I know that Luna will join me in creating the new moments that allow me to have the time of my life.